A Really Bad Day:
A guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour
when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink,
gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing
stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'
The poor little guy starts crying.
'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I
didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs.
'I can't do anything right.
I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired
me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't
have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with
the gardener and my dog bit me.
So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to
my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.
A Child's Perspective:
A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot. The
young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the
goings-on and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,'
more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted
with her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to
do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the
first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing
ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who
suggested that she take her ten dollars 'pay' she'd received to the
bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her
mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the
little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a
young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with
a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh
my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will, if
those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock."
PG13 at least
Three women: One engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet up for lunch.
The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said "You are the woman of my life. I love you." Then we made
love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said; "What's for dinner, Batman?"
